This bit is not so much the painting process, so much as what this piece turned into over time.
The sketch for this piece I believe is from 2017 or 2018 when I was making myself learn how to add and paint backgrounds, and create a setting. Something I am still in the process of learning today.
Originally I was going to paint her in a smaller scene with a different background. I even began with a different color scheme.
I do not have an image of that. It was a lot of reds and purples. Killed it.
I really had no end goal for this piece, I wanted it to have a story and that is just not a strength of mine on command. As she stood, she was just another sketch lost to the bone pile.
Then Quarantine hit. As lockdowns began. I thought of this piece. She always struck me as a lonely (possible brat) type. That was at the point that lock down was going on and social people first began expressing how odd it was to feel alone.
I made the space larger and started adding more details. I wanted the scene to be bright but inside be drab. The goal then became a socialite trapped in her luxurious castle. Fun.
In this version is that she is on an ipad - It was nearing my friends birthday (April) and the becoming a little more intense in the quarantine world. It was how people were gathering and I wanted to capture that.
Something still wasn't working for me for this piece.
I started to over think it. Like why isn't she wearing any pants? Is that part of the zoom joke? Do I add garbage to the scene to show how we all are really living? But she's posh, would that even make sense? What is going on? Does she really have the right to be so upset?
I was working on other pieces at the time. so,
I walked away from this piece again till July.
When it was my birthday (July),
I needed to GTFO. I went on an escape to the desert because there was nowhere else to go. We camped for a glorious 4 days.
I came back to this piece and started working on it more. I got rid of details and extras, i wanted to go more for a fake it till you make it style chic. - I decided that this character was not going to be lost, sad, messy, and a victim to all of this.
I think I was also deciding this for me in a more existential manner.
I put a smirk on her face, one that shows she will not shake, I gave her eyes to give her life, to make her a person. I dressed her up and made her perfectly okay with being alone. She made the effort continues to do so and she deserves nothing but the best for it. She is someone who worked for her things.
I used this feeling for myself. I was upset, tired, annoyed. In real life I am an essential worker. Life never stopped for me it just got busier. People and logistics became the daily thing to navigate and adapt to - quickly. I got lost in work, news and being always on. I was not practicing mindfulness and self care. This was my breakthrough to myself. To keep focus on the present. Control what I can control. Act with understanding but know where to make a boundary.
That's what this piece meant for me.
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